Disenfranchised Grief | Why the Pain of Pet Loss Often Feels Invisible
Losing a beloved animal can feel incredibly isolating. The grief of pet loss runs deep, and it's often met with platitudes or, worse, silence. Maybe you received flowers or kind messages at first. Maybe they said, “They were lucky to have you,” or “At least they’re not suffering anymore.” And after a few weeks… crickets.
The check-ins stop. The grief feels harder to talk about. People move on as if your heartbreak has an expiration date. It’s not that your love was small, it’s that society still struggles to hold space for the kind of grief that doesn’t follow a familiar script. And for many grieving a pet, that absence of recognition only adds to the pain.
If your grief has felt invisible or minimized, you are not alone, and your heartbreak deserves recognition. With You Still offers grief support designed specifically for pet loss, so you don’t have to navigate this alone. Click here to explore our offerings.
What Is Disenfranchised Grief?
Disenfranchised grief is a term that describes grief that isn’t openly acknowledged, socially supported, or publicly mourned. According to Verywell Mind, this kind of grief often arises in situations where the loss doesn’t align with what society traditionally views as “grievable.” Pet loss is one of those situations.¹
While not usually met with harshness, pet loss grief can often be met with dismissiveness, awkwardness, or platitudes where true compassion should exist. Even well-intentioned phrases can feel like they skip over your pain:
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“You’ll feel better once you adopt again.”
“At least they didn’t suffer.”
These comments aren’t always wrong—but they’re often said too soon, before the wounds on your heart have had a chance to scab.
Why Recognition Matters in Grief
Grief doesn’t need to be solved, but it does need to be seen. When your pain is quietly dismissed, it can leave you questioning your own experience. You may wonder: Should I be over this by now? Am I grieving too much? Am I the only one still hurting?
Recognition is one of the most powerful gifts we can receive in grief. Being witnessed, without judgment or discomfort, helps restore our sense of connection and normalcy. It reminds us that our loss is real, that our grief makes sense, and that we don’t have to hold it all alone.
When people stop checking in, it’s not always because they’ve stopped caring. More often, they’re unsure of how to stay present with something that doesn’t have a clear timeline. But just because the outer world moves on doesn’t mean your grief has to.
How to Support Yourself When Others Don’t Understand
When your grief goes unseen, it becomes even more important to create small, sacred spaces where you are seen, especially by yourself. These practices won’t erase the pain, but they can help soften the isolation:
Create a ritual to honor your companion. Light a candle, say their name, look at photos, or set aside a moment each day to remember them. These small acts give your grief somewhere to go.
Write a letter to your pet (or to yourself). Let your feelings move through words. You don’t need to write much. Even a few lines can help you process what you’re holding.
Name what you need. Whether it’s rest, solitude, connection, or simply saying “I need them today,” give yourself permission to feel what you feel.
Offer self-validation. Place a hand on your heart and say, “My grief is still here, and that’s okay. Our love mattered.” Sometimes we have to give ourselves the care others don’t know how to give.
Set boundaries around dismissiveness. If certain people or environments make your grief feel small, it’s okay to take space. You don’t have to share your heart in places that can’t hold it.
Your Grief is Never Too Much
There is no timeline for this. There is no rule for when you should “heal.” Grief is not a problem to solve. It’s a reflection of love, and love doesn’t disappear just because time passes.
If you’ve felt unseen in your grief, With You Still was created for you. This space holds gentle tools like guided meditations, printable guides, and supportive guidance designed specifically for those grieving the loss of a beloved animal. It’s not about rushing you toward healing. It’s about walking with you through it—at your own pace, in your own time. Click here to find support that recognizes your grief.
References:
Raypole, C. (2022, May 16). Disenfranchised grief: Definition, causes, impact, and coping. Verywell Mind.
